A personal retreat at Breitenbush Hot Springs

In this Article:

• How does taking risks help in emotional healing?
• What role does forgiveness play in overcoming trauma?
• How can vulnerability lead to self-acceptance?
• What unexpected lesson changed Charmaine’s life?
• How can we turn pain into personal growth?

How One Woman Transformed Trauma into Strength

by Joyce Vissell.

Every once in a while, someone will enter your life and leave a lasting impression. They are remembered even long after they die. The lessons learned from them become a permanent part of your heart. This is the case with a woman named Charmaine. When we received the call that she had died, I felt sad. She was a truly unique woman who gave so much in the sixty years she graced this earth. I wished that she had more years to give her wonderful gifts.
 
I have never met a person who has had a harder childhood and early adulthood. Charmaine experienced repeated sexual abuse, betrayal, violence, neglect, emotional abuse and years of addiction. If the average person had experienced even a quarter of the things that she did, they might not even be able to function. But Charmaine took all of that pain and made it into something good in her life. She did this through a willingness to take risks to heal, and through the power of forgiveness.

We All Experience Growth

We met Charmaine when we first started doing our workshops away from our home in the mid 1980's. She attended that first workshop in Buffalo, New York, and instantly I was drawn to her. She used to laugh as she would describe how I actually hid behind Barry because of shyness, and how much I have grown.  Since that time, she had come to a retreat of ours every year since, sometimes on the east coast, sometimes in our home, or in Oregon or Hawaii.  
 
Charmaine was an asset in our workshops. Whatever pain someone was experiencing, Charmaine had gone through it, and much more.  With so much compassion she would talk about the power of forgiveness and the risk to bring healing to any emotional pain. There were times we had the thought that we probably should start paying her to attend.

She was a living example of how a person can use their past traumas to bring beauty and strength into their lives. Charmaine helped and influenced hundreds of people by her example. Her past pain and trauma became her service to the world.
 
Barry and I helped Charmaine in unusual ways, and that is why she kept returning to our workshops. She would grow every time she was with us, and would receive an unexpected lesson. Some of these lessons were rather serious, like when she was close to dying fifteen years earlier. And other lessons came when Barry and I were totally unaware of our impact on her. The story below is about one of those unexpected lessons, showing how taking risks can help a person heal painful wounds.

Charmaine's Big Risk

For years, we held a retreat for adults, children and teens at Breitenbush Hot Springs in Oregon. Charmaine often attended this retreat. The first year she came, she knew there were beautiful tubs and pools with natural hot mineral water. She wanted very much to have a soak, but there was one problem. The soaking areas were clothing-optional. Most, but not all, of the people went into the pools without swimsuits or any other clothing.

Charmaine had never allowed anyone to see her body without clothes. When she was married, she would insist on making love in the total darkness. When she was first married as a young woman, her husband made fun of her body and pointed out imperfections.

She later found out that her husband was gay and also gave her HIV from affairs he had been having in secret with men. But this knowledge did not take away the wound she felt from the things he had said about her body. Not only was she determined to never show a man her naked body, she was even embarrassed to go down to the tubs in her swimsuit.
 
One afternoon, even though she wanted to soak in the tubs, she decided instead to take a shower in the women's shower house. Meanwhile, Barry and I were in a hurry to take a shower. When we got close, we discovered that the men's side of the shower house was closed for a few hours due to repairs.

Pushing the Boundaries

We both needed a shower and our next session was scheduled in half an hour. Barry said, "I'll just take a shower in the women's side."
 
I was surprised. "Barry, you can't just use the women's shower house! It would be upsetting to women."
 
Barry was reluctant to give up his shower, so he said, "I'll ask the first woman who shows up if she'd mind if I am in there as well. If she has any hesitation, I'll drop it and not take a shower."
 
I reluctantly agreed to this plan. One minute later, Charmaine walked up to take her shower. At the time, we had no idea about her internal struggle with nudity. Barry very politely said, "Hi Charmaine. Would you mind if I joined you and took a quick shower? The men's side is closed."
 
Charmaine took a deep breath and was silent for a moment. Then with a big sigh she said, "Yes." 
 
All three of us went into the shower house and Barry and I shared a shower while Charmaine took her own. We were six feet apart from one another and completely visible. Barry and I dried off and left quickly.

The Unexpected Gift

Later, in the afternoon session, Charmaine said she wanted to share an important gift she had received. She then proceeded to share the shower incident with the group. That it was the first time since her ex-husband had made such cruel remarks about her body, that she had trusted enough to allow a man, Barry, to see her without clothes.

She shared that, as she was showering, Barry talked with her no differently than if she were clothed. She realized in that moment that there was nothing wrong with her body. That night she went in the hot tubs without clothes for the first time. And from then on she enjoyed them every time she came to Breitenbush.
 
Though Charmaine is now gone from this world, what lives on is her spirit of forgiveness and eagerness to take risks and grow. I shall never forget her and the grace with which she overcame so many difficult obstacles, and lived a truly fulfilling life. Neither will the many people whose lives were changed by her example.

Copyright 2025 by Joyce Vissell.
Published with permission. All Rights Reserved.

Book by this Author: A Couple of Miracles

A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles
by Barry and Joyce Vissell.

We write our story, not only to entertain you, our readers, and certainly you will be entertained, but more so to inspire you. One thing we have learned after seventy-five years in these bodies, living on this earth, is that all of us have lives filled with miracles.

We sincerely hope you will look at your own lives with new eyes, and discover the miraculous in so many of your own stories. Like Einstein said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Click here for more info and/or to order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author(s)

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors, near Santa Cruz CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books, their latest being A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles.

Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free weekly 10–15-minute inspirational videos, inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart, or to book a counseling session on-line or in person.
   

More books by these authors

Article Recap:

Taking risks to heal is a powerful step toward overcoming trauma. Charmaine, who endured severe abuse and betrayal, transformed her pain through trust and self-acceptance. By taking a vulnerable step—allowing herself to be seen—she unlocked healing and newfound confidence. The power of forgiveness and embracing change enabled her to live a fulfilling life. Her story serves as an inspiration to find courage in vulnerability and trust in the healing process.

#TakingRisks #HealingJourney #PowerOfForgiveness #OvercomingTrauma #SelfAcceptance #PersonalGrowth